she's somebody's sweetheart ❤

Ignore my awful eye, my allergies were reeking havoc the past few days
The past few months have been nothing what I would have ever expected, yet at the end of the day when I tuck my precious baby girl into bed, I realize that everything happens for a reason. We are strong, and we can do anything! I do want to apologize for this post being just a little late, as for Madison turned 7 months on May 19th.

Recap:
• Loves that she is no longer an "only child" now that she is around other children it has made it clear to me that when / if I ever settle down again, he better expect to have children.
• She does not eat breakfast, and refuses to eat her breakfast without Coraline sitting across from her. They are a year and a half apart, but I can tell already they will be like best friends.
• Absolutely loves baths with people! About twice a week she'll take a bath with either Coraline or Brigid. She's also taken showers with me and she just loves being able to play around in the water.
•If you haven't been stalking my facebook, Madison can now pull herself up onto her feet!
• She has a set naptime, 2pm, and a set bedtime- 9pm. This is a strict schedule, and she's doing great at it.
• We're down to about 4 bottles a day, compared to the 8-12 she was having when we moved up here. Baby foods are an every meal sort of thing, and she has been introduced to baby yogurt bites and puffs. For the record, she loves them!
• Her bottom two teeth are looking like they are ready to cut any day now, and it's just a waiting game.
•Everywhere I take Madison I am always complimented because she is such a happy baby. She doesn't cry, she doesn't fuss, she just smiles and laughs at everything and everyone who passes by.
• & for those who have been asking, she's in 9 month clothes, size 3 diaper, size 2 shoe, and weighs 20lbs!

So.... yesterday I had to call the on-call ob/gyn at my hospital. I felt as if I was leaking Amniotic Fluid. After mine and Mike's walk I sat down on the chair for a few minutes, and when I got up to go to the bathroom my undies were wet. I debated on calling my hospital that I was to deliver at, and after going to the bathroom to feel more wet, I called.

On October 19th at 1AM I was advised to put a liner on to try and monitor if my Amniotic Sack was leaking. I then was told to relax for a half hour and then call the on-call nurse, Julie, back. At 1:30pm I checked my liner and it was completely wet. I called Julie back and she advised me to come directly into Labor & Delivery. By 2am the our bags and car were packed and we were on our way.

We arrived to Ochsner Medical Center about 40 minutes later and by 2:53pm they were starting to run tests. The first test they took was a urine sample, which came back with no Amniotic fluid. The second test was a q-tip test that they swabbed my... womanhood with. If the tip of it turned blue/green it was the Amniotic fluid. If it turned yellow, the test was negative. This test came back negative.

Unpleased with the nurses and the results Mike and I waited to be discharged.

At 3:15pm, still laying in the hospital gown waiting to be discharged, my water broke. In all honesty, it was just like I had seen in the movies, except I was laying down. I heard a pop and the next thing I know water was gushing down my leg and I felt like I had seriously peed everywhere. Except the pee wasn't stopping.

I pressed the emergency call button for the nurse, but almost 5 minutes went by and they had not come. I sent Mike out to find a nurse and he couldn't find anybody. He ended up standing in the Labor & Delivery hall yelling "my wifes water just broke!" and finally someone came. Not just one person, but about 4 people came. They made me spread & did the q-tip test again, sure enough it came back dark blue/green. I couldn't help but tell the doctor (who's name was Doctor Slaughter by the way) that I told her I was leaking. She pretty much rolled her eyes and said "looks like we're having a baby today!". I couldn't help but gloat that I was right and the professional was wrong. I know my body better than anybody else, don't test me. hah.

At around 4am I was hooked up to an IV and given fluids to keep me hydrated. They had also inserted a catheter (weirdest feeling ever, btw!). The next thing was to wait for Dr. Slaughter to come back in and check and tell me where I was at. When she came in a few minutes later I was 1cm and 70% effaced. The baby was currently at -2.

By 5am nothing had changed and they had started me on Pitocin/Oxytocin to help speed things up. Now we waited.

7am rolled around and they came to check on me. I was now 2cm, 70% effaced, and the baby was sitting at -2, still. I was feeling my contractions now, and they were coming every 2-3 minutes. I wasn't feeling any pain in my stomach, however my back was hurting. They kept asking me if I wanted my epidural and I just kept saying "not yet". I didn't want to be in pain later on. In all honesty, I thought that the epidural would wear off.

At about 9am they came to check on me again. My contractions were still 2-3 minutes apart, but I was now 3cm, 85% and the baby was still sitting at -2. Dr. Slaughter had thought that the reasoning my contractions weren't speeding up was because there was a bulge in my water. Meaning that there was still an area that had not leaked out yet that could be blocking something. So she went ahead and "broke" that area. Worst pain ever. I balled my eyes out it hurt so bad. Right after I asked for my epidural. I couldn't take anymore pain.

The anesthesiologist then came in and went over all of the information with me and had me sign paperwork. I had to read over the risks and all of that fun fantastic, scary stuff that they wanted me to know. In all honesty, I wish I wouldn't have had to know the risks behind an epidural. Parts of it just scared the living hell out of me.

By 10am they had asked Mike to leave the room and I was getting the epidural. Everything went fine, and according to the anesthesiologist I did fantastic. It felt like forever until Mike came back in. I hated that he had to leave the room. I wanted him there, I felt as if I needed him there, but I understand the risks and why he couldn't be there with me.

Around 10:30am Mike was able to come back in the room, and a few minutes later Katy & her 2 son, Conner & Oakley, came to visit me. It was so nice of her to come and keep us company. Mike and Conner hung out and played while Katy & I talked, and Oakley slept. Not much later Nicole had come up to see me, too. With her she brought her daughter, Juliana.

We played the waiting game for a little while. They had come to check me a few times, and every time I was still dilated & effaced the same, and the baby hadn't moved.

Around 2:30pm everybody had left. As Katy was walking out with her 2 sons the nurse came rushing in the room and put me on an oxygen mask. She didn't tell me why she was doing this, but she did- then stared at the monitors and walked away. I looked at Mike and I couldn't help but start crying. What is going on with me, what is happening to my baby. I kept repeating it over and over, I was panicking.

An hour later, around 3:30pm the nurse came in and I was checked again. 5cm dilated, fully effaced, and the baby was in position. Half way there is good news, right? Wrong. The monitors kept going off every time I would have a contraction. Madison's heart rate kept dropping. I could hear her heartbeat the entire time, and it panicked me because it would get slower and slower. They decided to take me off the external monitors that go on the outside of your belly and put an internal monitor inside my... womanhood, to better hear Madison's heartbeat.

Around 4:30pm I started texting Sarah (who was nice enough to keep all of my livejournal girls updated on my progress). She was asking how I was progressing & I honestly couldn't answer her. They hadn't checked me in an hour & a half, Madison's heart rate was still dropping with each contraction. I was pretty positive that they took me off of the Pitocin/Oxytocin. All I really wanted was something to eat. It was dinner time, and all I could smell was the food in the halls. It was going on 22 hours of me not having any food, and my stomach was growling so loud that Mike could hear it across the room. I felt stupid, it's just a waiting game. I was just impatiently waiting to see what happens next.

At exactly 5pm on the dot they came back in and said they were going to put me back on the Pitocin/Oxytocin. The doctor stood there and monitored it again. My contractions kicked in- Madison's heart rate went down. While the doctor was in monitoring me, Madison got the hiccups! They made my crotch tickle because she was so low, but it was really funny. I laughed, and I think it was the first time I laughed in hours. However that quickly diminished when the doctor had mentioned that if things don't begin progressing soon that I may need a c-section.

Great. A fucking C-Section? The one thing that I had in my birth plan that I wanted to avoid, and it's the only thing that is going to save my baby girl. If it's the only way to make sure she has a safe arrival into the world, then I was willing to do whatever it took.

About 7:15pm the nurse came in to check on me. Again, still no progression. I was still 5cm dilated and I went from being fully effaced back down to 80%. Baby still in position. She was going to talk to the doctor and see what he thinks we should do. The chances are, I'm having a c-section. Around now I began to panic, prettttyyy bad.

I don't think it's the thought of surgery that had me panicking. Okay, well maybe it is. But I think it's the thought that I never had talked or even planed for a c-section. It means I'd be in the hospital longer, I'd need to recover longer after, it'd mean that I wouldn't be able to be the first person who holds Madison, it means I wouldn't even see her until at least an hour after she was born.

At about 7:30pm one of the nurses came in the room. She was a sweetheart, and I had no idea who she was. She had introduced herself to me (but I honestly forgot her name). She was telling me about how she was coming on shift for the night nurses and would be my nurse for the rest of the evening after the baby was born. She told me that I will be very uncomfortable but wanted me to know that no matter what the reason I need assistance is, to buzz her and she'll be right there.

This nurse was amazing, have I said that yet? Around 7:45pm the doctor came into the room and stood on one side of me. He on my left, and the nurse still on my right. They made eye contact, and then the nurse grabbed my hand. The doctor began telling me that he believes that he and his staff had done all they could do to help induce my labor for me to have Madison the natural way. He, at this time, believes that it is best for me to proceed with a C-Section.

I couldn't look at him. I couldn't look at the nurse. I just stared at Mike as I began to sob and ball my eyes out. I told him that I was alright with it, terrified- but I would rather have my daughter safe then to have her born the way I wanted her born. He nodded his head, then told me "She'll be okay, I know it." and walked away.

The nurse, who was still holding my hand, looked at me. The most she could do was comfort me. She asked me what was causing me to be so emotional. (although she worded herself much better then that) I explained to her that I wanted to be the first to hold my baby. I wanted the natural experience. I told her that I felt like a failure because my body would not let me have a child naturally. I was always told I had child bearing hips, that birth would be no problem for me. I explained to her that I wanted to feel it. I want that chance. I couldn't hold myself together. She hugged me, and said that she would be right back, that she needed to go submit the paperwork for the emergency c-section.

As soon as she left Mike was right there at my side. The entire time I have been in the hospital not once had he come to hold my hand, to talk to me, to comfort me in any way-shape- or form. I felt alone. He came over to me and hugged me. He told me "everything is going to be okay." I began snapping that "No it's not." & for him to "leave me alone." He didn't. He stood right there at my side. Just.. looking at me. Looking at the monitors, and looking back at me. I knew he wanted to say something, but he wouldn't. He just kept looking back and fourth.

At 8:15pm the doctor came in, with an entire crew of people. This was it. They gave Mike the scrubs and asked him to put them on. They then proceeded to gather my bed up & Mike gathered my belongings up & got dressed. They layed me back in the bed and I was off.

Funny break in the story- After everything was said and done and I was in recovery, Mike told me that the nurse (who I never had seen before) who was cleaning up the room dropped my catheter (and the bag) and urine went everywhere. She was covered from her waist down. Apparently all the other nurses laughed, and even Mike cracked up. He told me he had to walk out of the room because he felt he was going to embarrass her even more. Okay- back to the story:

Once I was laying in the bed int he room the doctors moved me from one bed to an ice cold bed. I began shaking and shivering right away. The one doctor (who stayed to the left of me the entire time) got me a heated blanket- and I was fine after that. They put up the magic curtain of blue doom and started cleaning my area. I started freaking out because Mike was still not in the room. I screamed for them to stop, and the doctor on my left jumped and was like "Her husband isn't in here." and he left to go get Mike. When Mike came in the room he had told me that they had already had me cut open, and they were pretty much "digging to get Madison."

He had sat down to the right of me and just stared at the ground. I was in panic mode. My body was shaking and I couldn't tell if it was because of the cold operating room or if it was because I was so scared.

I was so let down. Mike wouldn't talk to me, he wouldn't comfort me... he wouldn't hold my hand.

There was no cry. There was no shriek. There was no awe. There was pure panic. Which caused me to have a panic attack. Then there it was. My baby girl. At 8:47pm weighing 7lbs 10oz and 20 3/4 inches long was my beautiful baby girl. Madison Elizabeth Phillips. They held her over the curtain and I began to cry. "Is she okay!?" I asked the doctor to my left, and he didn't answer. I looked at Mike, and he just looked at Madison. Then there it was. The loudest shriek followed by terrifying crying and screaming. That's all I needed to hear to know that my little girl was okay.

She was puffy, very puffy, with the most awful shade of purple skin I had ever seen in my life. Madison was born with her umbilical cord wrapped around her neck. Which explains why with each contraction her heart rate would go down. It was choking her.

I couldn't take my eyes off of her. I stared as she went over to be cleaned off. I stared as they took her feet prints. I couldn't stop staring with the tears running down my face as the nurse took Madison's feet after they printed the paper and put them on daddy's face mask.

The nurse handed her to Mike and he brought her over. I cried, no, I balled my eyes out as I kissed her forehead. The doctor came over and put his hand on my shoulder and his arm around Mike as he looked at Madison and said "Congratulations." We did it. We're parents. Mommy and daddy. We now have a beautiful baby girl.

I can not wait to see what obstacles and adventures our life is going to bring us. At this moment, I have never been happier than I am today. I love my husband, I love my daughter, I love- my life.